We’re out there doing our “job” come rain, shine, sleet or snow. No, I’m not talking about mail carriers. Rather, I’m describing golfers.

When it’s too hot to fish, we’re out on the course. When it’s too cold for most to walk out and fetch their newspaper, we’re out there trying to break 100.

One thing is for sure: There’s a perfectly logical reason why golf is a four-letter word — it has probably caused more cursing than all the other sports put together.

Historians tell us the sport of golf had its beginning almost 1,000 years ago. It was developed in Scotland from a Roman game called paganica. The Romans, who occupied parts of England and Scotland for five centuries beginning in 100 B.C., played paganica in open fields with a bent stick and a leather ball stuffed with feathers.

Written reports of golf date back to 1457, when King James II of Scotland banned “futeball and golfe,” declaring the sports’ popularity threatened the practice of archery (which was necessary for national defense). The ban was lifted when British and Scottish leaders signed a treaty of “perpetual peace” in 1502.

Golf became very popular in the United States when former President Dwight D. Eisenhower played every chance he got. A couple of decades later former President Gerald Ford’s errant tee shots became infamous for hitting spectators on their coconuts.

Last week, I noticed a bumper sticker: Old golfers never die — they just take longer to find their balls than they used to.

How do you tell a bad golfer from a bad skydiver? Bad golfer: Whack! Oh, ----! Bad skydiver: Oh, ----! Whack!

It seems there’s always been a problem with married couples over golf. Women, you see, dislike anything that gives their men pleasure.

It’s a question every wife asks her husband at one time or another: “If something happened to me, would you remarry?”

Every man with an IQ above 60 has a ready answer: “Of course not, sweetheart. No other woman could ever replace you!”

Believe it or not there’s a few boneheads out there like Cousin Nudge.

“If I died today,” his bride Herbert Jane asked, “would you ever marry again?”

“Well, I’m still a young man, so I probably would,” a moronic Nudge replied.

“Would you let her live in our house?”

“Sure, houses are expensive!”

“Would she cook in my kitchen, sleep in our bed, use our bath and drive my car?”

“I suppose so.”

“And would she use my golf clubs?”

“No way!” Nudge responds adamantly.

“Why not?”

“She’s left-handed!”

Nudge and Herbert Jane — as you can imagine — have had marital problems from the time he said “I Guess” during their wedding vows. It got so bad last month that they went to a marriage counselor to try and work things out.

The counselor’s advice seemed to work for a while, but it wasn’t long before World War III broke out again.

The counselor, exasperated at Nudge’s ineptness, literally took matters into his own hands, grabbed Herbert Jane and laid a compassionate kiss on her lips.

“There!” he screamed at Nudge, “did you see that? That’s what she needs every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday!”

“Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!” Cousin Nudge responded. “I can bring her in on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Saturdays and Sundays are my golfing days!”

A few golfing terms for novices

Fairway: An unfamiliar and unforgiving tract of closely cropped grass running directly from the tee to the green. Balls can usually be found to the left or right of it.

Gimme: Any putt within 30 feet.

It’s still your shot: The four most despised words to golfer’s after their first putt comes up 25 feet short.

Wedge: Also known as your foot, this club is used to knock your ball from wooded areas back to the fairway.

Par 4: A hole where you should have made a 3 but really made a 7 and marked down a 5 on your scorecard.

GOLF: Acronym for Game Of Lying Fools.

Birdie: Something that other people get.

Mulligan: Something your golfing buddy demands every time you turn on the radio during his backswing.

Lie: What Sports Editor Jeff Cali does with his magical pencil and scorecard.

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