Go ahead get angry because that is normal. However, when you are angry do not stop thinking!
How do you use thinking in controlling hate? There are two ways:
(1) The first way to control hate is compassion. Barry Graham says it this way: “It’s not love that will free us from anger and hate – it is compassion. Without compassion, it’s possible to be cruel to people we love; with compassion, cruelty becomes impossible...” So how do you have compassion for the person who has wronged you? The starting place is to acknowledge that whatever is going on with him is more about him than about you.
(2) The second way to control hate is to forgive.
Since the remedy for hate is to forgive, one must give it a lot of thought. When you understand that forgiving is for you to do, and not the one who has offended you, then you can control your anger and dispel your hate. Is that easy? No, but most things that are worthwhile are not easy. A medical doctor put it this way, “The power and beauty of forgiveness is often overlooked. When you forgive another, you actually liberate yourself. To forgive is to allow peace between you and the other, and perhaps even more importantly, it can allow peace to reside within you.” Mark Banschick, M.D.
Tempted to hate? Remember the remedy is to have compassion for the person you hate and to forgive the person. The reward is a mentally and physically healthier you.
Ray Quiett, Ph.D. is professor emeritus of East Central University and a licensed professional counselor and licensed marital and family therapist.