- Ada, Oklahoma


November 27, 2013

'Way to go, Mom'

Ada —

The doctor took Mom’s vital signs and pronounced her well enough to go back to the nursing home.

She had fallen a few days earlier down in Texas and had some breathing problems, so she was rushed to a hospital in nearby Llano.

A few minutes later, the young doctor returned to her room.

This time, Mom was AWOL.

She’d been kidnapped by an angel.

Not your typical Hollywood angel with the long blond hair and blue eyes and expansive wing span.

No, this was a real Hollywood angel. One with a no-nonsense wing span and a face and voice similar to Whoopie Goldberg’s.

“Wake up, girl,” Angel Whoopie said, tugging on the bed sheets.

“Who are you?” Mom said.

“I’m the angel that's here to bust you out of this place.These folks gone nuts down here, shootin’ little children in kindergarten, shootin’ bigger kids in the back for ‘joggin”.

“I don’t know,” Mom said. “People will be worried about me.”

“Girl, you’ve been giving to other people ever since your kids were toddlers. No offense, but that crate of a body you’ve been pushing around, is ready for the junk pile."

“Well, I guess it’s a little worn...”

“Woman, you’re thin white hair isn’t even working. You can barely see. Your back don’t work. Your legs don’t work. Your head’s barely working.

“All your husbands are up there waiting for you, and your daughter Leta, you know, is just learning her way around  up there. 

“Your sister Leta Mae’s there too. Not to mention your mom and dad and all your relatives, except your son and your sister Frances.

“They’ll be along in a jiffy.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to shorten their lives,” Mom said.

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