Dr. Jerry N. Duncan Guest Columnist
Ada — OK, now that I know that I have been lied to all these years about how to define myself, how do I make the truth that I now know a real part of me?
Let’s review. Because of what Jesus has done for me, I am totally forgiven, pure and without blemish. I am fully accepted by God, regardless of whether others accept me or not. There is no legitimate basis for guilt or shame of my past, and I no longer have to fear punishment from God.
I am not defined by what I accomplish or achieve. Therefore, I no longer have to deprive myself, or my family, of quality relationship time. I no longer have to put my mind, my body, or my close relationships at risk because of my drivenness.
My time here on earth is short, and I want to make the best use of it for things that really matter. What really matters is a loving, tender relationship with God, and loving, tender relationships with those that God brings me in contact with each day.
Let me introduce you to the fastest way I know to turn a truth into a belief. It is called the Pillow Technique. Here is how it works. Take your new truth and write it on a card. For instance, “Because of what Jesus has done for me, I am deeply loved, totally forgiven, fully pleasing, accepted, and complete in Him.”
Next, spray the card with the smell of your favorite cologne or perfume, and place it on your pillow. That way, you have to pick it up before you lay down. Read it out loud to yourself six or seven times and then place it somewhere that you will have to have contact with it the next day (e.g. on top of your toothbrush, car keys, etc.)
When you do pick it up the next morning, read it out loud to yourself one more time, and then put it back on your pillow. That way, you won’t have to remember to do it, it will be “in your way” at the beginning and the end of your day. Do it for three to four weeks and watch it change from being a truth to becoming a belief.
You may have to do some “after-the-fact” training for a while. Robert Mcgee, in The Search for Significance, calls it “The Trip In, and The Trip Out.”
When you find yourself feeling fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of punishment, guilt, or shame, take the trip in and find out what lies you are saying to yourself that are creating those feelings. Then, pull out those “tapes” and replace them with the truths you are learning. The more you do it, the more embedded and automatic the truths become.
The world will not stop hammering you with the old lies. They are on TV, in magazines, in the movies, and in clothing, car, and cosmetic ads. You will have to fight, and you will have to fight hard.
The hard work of the “fight” is worth it though. You will work hard either way. You will either work hard learning and re-learning the truth, or you will work even harder trying to survive what the lies do to you and the people you care about around you.
Sometimes fighting is good.