theadanews.com - Ada, Oklahoma

Editorials

January 30, 2013

Modern cat physics

Ada —  

Due to having spent more time lately in my administrative role, I’ve neglected my scientific studies. This is to say, I’ve let my study of the mathematical physics of felines go to the back burner.  This has been disappointing to my following in the scientific community who breathlessly await new discoveries.

However, science cannot be scheduled.  Nature keeps her secrets like the proper Lady that she is, full of so much mystery that a man might spend a lifetime exploring.  Each tender caress yielding...

Er..right..I was going to write about cats and I was beginning to write about something much, much different.

I have spent many years studying the physics of cats.  My principal discovery has been the cat number associated to every household and the conservation of that cat number.  For example, my house has a cat number of three.  Whenever a cat dies or disappears, a new cat shows up. Whenever a new cat appears before the death of one of our allotted three, something untoward will happen to one of them.  

This has happened time and again.  There have been a few times when a fourth cat has been around, but this can be accounted for in regular, mathematical ways.  This is one of the beauties of the theory. It is a fertile area for new discoveries.

It has proved its fecundity again after a longish hiatus.  Let me explain.

Our current cohort of cats consists of Stars, Mischief (aka Missy), and Tyson.  Stars is our oldest cat. She looked to be about a year old when she turned up shortly before the birth of our youngest daughter who is now 14.  Missy is about 4 years old.  Tyson, the only male among them, is a little over two.  

Tyson is sleek and black.  His fur is beautiful.  Personality-wise, well, he believes he’s a dog.  This is not meant as an insult, necessarily, but it is a simple statement of fact. Our dogs are male and I believe he identifies with them for that reason.  I identify with them as well.  In my case, it’s the fleas.  In any case, if Missy hadn’t already been named Mischief, the name very well may have fallen to him.

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